I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
