I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
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PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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