I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
