Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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