i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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