I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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