Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
