I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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