Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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