I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
