I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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