You smell like stripper and shame
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
