I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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