you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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