Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
