Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
