sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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