No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
