I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
