The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
