Swine flu. Run for my life!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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