You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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