Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
