He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up under a house in Key West
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
