dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
