I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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