The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
