the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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