There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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