ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
