so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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