we have officially lost it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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