I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
