after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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