How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
