Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
