Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
