I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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