Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
