Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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