watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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