Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
