Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
