I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
