I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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