Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
