Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
