Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
