Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
