Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
