apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
