have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
sarcasm needs its own font
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
