Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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