Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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