We're facebook friends in real life
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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