btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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