So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
