That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
