If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
