boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So squirting runs in the family.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
