HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
