I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
