I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
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I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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