If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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