there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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