I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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