I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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