thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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