Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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