My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
